


i will deliver, you know i'm a forgiver

by zombiejuju



Series: Saphael Week [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Asexual Raphael Santiago, Awkward Conversations, Canon Compliant, Fix-It, Homoromantic Raphael Santiago, M/M, Saphael Week 2017, Sappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 01:05:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12121194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiejuju/pseuds/zombiejuju
Summary: “Why am I so invested in you?” Raphael asks aloud. Simon stops racing around the room.“I don’t know,” Simon says, shrugging, “You ever seenThe Lost BoysorQueen of the DamnedorInterview with the Vampire?”“I don’t watch movies, fledgling.”“But...you’re...you appreciate art, right?”“Movies aren’t true art, they’re commercialism. Only the dimwitted think movies qualify as art.”“Okay, well they’refilms, first off. So there. And if you watched them, I’m pretty sure you’d realize why you’re so invested in me. They’re vampire films. Good ones. Real. Not likeTwilight. I don’t know, maybe you need to study your own species or something.”





	i will deliver, you know i'm a forgiver

**Author's Note:**

> Title has abso-fucking-lutely nothing to do with the actual story and was taken from "Personal Jesus" (the Marilyn Manson cover) because that's what was playing while I was drafting this bitch up. This fic is brought to you by my incessant, undying love for pre- _Twilight_ vampire films (but, tbh, I like _Twilight_ too, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ).
> 
> Warnings: Lil bit of abusive/possessive/controlling behavior, lil bit of blood, lil bit of violence, lil bit of alcohol, lil bit of death (and resurrection). Nothing graphic at all. A lot of flawed thinking (usually on **my** part).
> 
> Background Ships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, One Sided Clary Fray/Simon Lewis, Past Simon Lewis/Camille Belcourt, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, and One Sided Simon Lewis/Seelie Queen.
> 
> Prompted by: [Saphael Week Day 1](https://fyeahsaphael.tumblr.com/post/164294220131/hii-so-recently-there-has-been-a-lack-of-saphael) (Canon Rewrite & Favorite Moments Combined Together, also what ifs?).

Raphael’s seen it before. Some good kid falls into Camille's clutches. A hopeless sucker, fresh out of high school, nerdy, pathetically in love with their best friend (who is clearly out of their league and 100% uninterested). So when Simon returns after Camille’s toyed with him, Raphael isn’t surprised. That doesn’t mean dread doesn’t clench in his chest at the inevitable cloud of doom looming over Simon’s head.

“Leave,” He tries. He glares at Simon with sharp, narrowed eyes and a tense jaw. And it works, he thinks, until he ends up carrying Simon’s corpse to Clary and her annoying shadowhunter boyfriend.

“Don’t turn him,” Raphael says after he finishes explaining how to turn Simon if they want to, “It’s a selfish thing to do. If you’re really his best friend, you’ll let him rest in peace.”

“It’s too soon,” Clary says while choking back sobs. Raphael rolls his eyes at her mundane upbringing and emotionally clouded judgment, “He’s so good. He deserves better. He deserves a second chance.”

“If he’s so good, you’ll let him stay that way. You won’t turn him into an abomination.”

“You don’t know him like I do!” Clary yells, advancing toward Raphael with her seraph blade drawn. Jace puts his arm out, stopping her.

“Your choice,” Raphael says, holding his hands up defensively, dropping them when Jace stops her. He shrugs and flashes away, leaving Jace and Clary to start digging Simon’s grave.

* * *

“I _do_ want your help,” Simon says. He’s standing outside of Hotel Dumort’s front door just after sunset, “I don’t want to suck at being a vampire.”

Simon’s face spreads in a huge, dweeby grin at his own pun.

“I should excommunicate you from my clan just for that, fledgling.”

“I don’t know why Clary told you I don’t want your help. I do. If I’m stuck like this, I might as well figure it out. Right? Right.”

“Nothing in life is free, fledgling,” Raphael says.

“What...what do you want in return?”

“Help me prove to the Clave that Camille is the one responsible for breaking the Accords. In return, I’ll provide you with food, shelter, and training. Really, you’re getting more out of it than me.”

“You just want me to be your secret weapon so Camille can’t take over again.”

“Exactly. She’s trouble for all of us.”

“I’m sure it’s not about you being a power hungry monster at all,” Simon says, making Raphael flinch,  “I’m sure you have everyone’s best interests at heart.”

“If you want to be a loner, fine. I don’t need you, fledgling. But sooner or later, you’ll need me,” Raphael says. He backs into the hotel and slams the door in Simon’s face.

* * *

Raphael finally gets Simon into his clan _and_ proof that Camille is breaking the Accords. Sure, it took working with mutts to save a fairy but in the end, Raphael thinks it’s worth it.

“Why am I so invested in you?” Raphael asks aloud. Simon stops racing around the room.

“I don’t know,” Simon says, shrugging, “You ever seen _The Lost Boys_ or _Queen of the Damned_ or _Interview with the Vampire_?”

“I don’t watch movies, fledgling.”

“But...you’re...you appreciate art, right?”

“Movies aren’t true art, they’re commercialism. Only the dimwitted think movies qualify as art.”

“Okay, well they’re _films_ , first off. So there. And if you watched them, I’m pretty sure you’d realize why you’re so invested in me. They’re vampire films. Good ones. Real. Not like _Twilight_. I don’t know, maybe you need to study your own species or something.”

“If you were such an expert, we wouldn’t be here,” Raphael reminds him.

“Is that such a bad thing? Almost wish I did it on purpose,” Simon says. He locks eyes with Raphael before speeding away to race laps around the room.

* * *

“I shouldn’t have helped Camille use you as leverage for the Mortal Cup,” Raphael says one day while Simon's testing his strength.

“It’s a little late to grow a conscious,” Simon responds, lifting a fellow vampire with one hand around their neck. He places them back on the floor after a moment.

“My conscious has always existed. I’m a good Catholic,” Raphael says, pausing when Simon scoffs at him, “Don’t forget, I questioned her actions. I tried looking out for my clan members. But in the end, she was the leader. What was I to do?”

“Never took you for a mindless soldier. Thought that was more Jace’s style.”

“Despite her wild antics, she had never done something so stupid before.”

“Whatever. I guess I’m sorry for throwing a blade at you.”

“You were a weak mundane. I wasn’t hurt at all,” Raphael says, a smile breaking out on his face.

“You should smile more often. I know you’re like, chiseled from marble or whatever, but that doesn’t mean you have to be so stony faced all the time.”

Raphael’s smile drops and he rolls his eyes, “Speed training. Go.”

* * *

“What’s it like leading a clan?” Simon asks.

“Focus, fledgling,” Raphael says, “Again.”

“ _Encanto_ ,” Simon tries, staring into Clary’s eyes intensely.

“Si, you suck at this,” Clary says. She laughs and uses her right hand to push ember locks from her shoulder.

“Will this ever work?” Simon asks. He turns to Raphael, eyes helplessly wide, bottom lip pouting.

“It would for someone else,” Jace says, “He’s hopeless, Raphael. Give it up.”

“Do not speak to me, shadowhunter,” Raphael replies without looking at him, “Try the arrogant one this time. Perhaps your friendship with Clary is blocking your abilities.”

“I don’t really want to stare into Jace’s eyes while I try to exert control over him by saying some dumb latin word.”

“Try it without speaking,” Raphael says, “Just imagine having a leash on him. Then, when you do, put a muzzle on him too.”

“If he can’t _encanto_ Clary, a new shadowhunter, there’s no way it’s going to work on…” Jace’s voice drifts off. Surprised at the abrupt silence, Clary and Raphael look at him. His eyes are locked with Simon’s, mouth open in a small circle as he sways.

“Jace. Hello? Jace,” Clary says. She waves her hand in front of his face.

“ _Dios_ , he actually did it,” Raphael says, a hint of pride in his tone.

“Yeah, and it only took 38 hours of constant, painstaking training and you yelling at me every 5 seconds,” Simon says.

“Si, let ‘im go."

“Yeah, okay, I totally would except...I haven’t mastered _that_ part yet.”

* * *

Shit hits the fan immediately after Simon gets the hang of being a vampire. He’s not an expert by any means but he does possess the ability to protect his family from a variety of smaller threats. The most surprising of which, at least in Simon’s opinion, comes from the Clave when they send Victor Aldertree to be the temporary head of the New York Institute.

The Clave realizes some mom and pop pizzeria is now a vampire den and somehow that leads to Aldertree calling him and Raphael in for questioning. As if the stoic Catholic and awkward newbie are cavorting around such places doing such things. But of course, it’s not them that Aldertree wants, it’s Camille, and he expects them to retrieve her for him.

“I’m only gonna say this once, Raphael,” Simon says while they’re inside Camille’s vacation home in India. He’s just been saved from an angry, fire breathing cobra by Raphael’s master _encanto_ skills, “Life would’ve been better if you were always the leader and Camille never had power in the first place.”

“There it is,” Raphael says. He walks over to a nearly empty shelf where a simple wooden box sits. Simon looks at Raphael in confusion while he walks over and picks it up, cradling it in his hand as if it’s special, delicate, “It’s her graveyard dirt. We can use it to summon her and turn her in to Aldertree.”

“Ah, yes, another chance for you to betray your old leader. I bet you love these moments. She really did a number on you, huh buddy?”

“Let’s find Magnus and portal back to New York."

 

* * *

Simon decides to host a movie night in Magnus’ loft after Jace accidentally assists in the massacre of too many downworlders. He wants to show Jace that there are still downworlders that trust him, know that it wasn’t his fault.

“See, still good,” Clary says, elbowing Raphael while Simon is setting up the first movie, “Turning didn’t change him.”

“Turning doesn’t change much. Usually it just heightens personalities,” Magnus says from behind them, “For example, I’m sure Raphael was just as uptight in life as he is in death.”

“I was raised a good--”

“Catholic, yeah yeah,” Clary and Magnus say in unison. Magnus leaves to sit beside Alec on a loveseat.

Raphael tenses. He wants to remind her that Simon wouldn’t even be in this mess of a world if she hadn’t been so selfish. All she had to do was notice Simon’s feelings in the first place, to reciprocate them; or, at the very least, stop taking advantage of them. She didn’t have to involve Simon in every bit of her life, especially not the dangerous ones. But she didn’t push him away when he came around.

He might’ve helped Camille kidnap Simon but at least when Simon was weak and desperate and begging for Camille’s attention, Raphael tried to keep him safe. And in the end, it was Clary who decided to keep Simon around after he should have been resting peacefully. She was the one who decided she knew what was best for Simon, who continued to act that way even when Simon didn’t need her dictating his...un-life.

Tonight isn’t about a fight, though. He’s been involved in enough battles lately thanks to Camille’s misdeeds and Simon’s attachment to the shadowhunters. He just wants to relax and, for once, lose himself in mindless entertainment.

“Tonight, we’re not just watching movies, we’re watching _films_ ,” Simon says, drawing everyone into the lounge. He looks directly at Raphael.

“Lemme guess,” Clary starts. She moves to the recliner Jace is sitting in and sprawls sideways across his lap, “None of these movies came out after 1989?”

“Um, excuse you,” Simon says, voice lilting in offense, “I’ll have you know that two out of three of these movies are post-80s.”

“He’s making us watch vampire _romances_ ,” Raphael explains, rolling his eyes and taking a seat on one of the flamboyant purple cushions Magnus put on the floor. Simon and Izzy sit on either side of him. Izzy throws a fleece blanket across their laps and Raphael looks at the fabric in disdain but says nothing to deter either of them from sitting with him.

“Poor taste, Simon,” Luke says from where he sits on a couch with Meliorn and Maia.

“Tell me it’s not _Vampire Academy_ or _Twilight_ ,” Maia pipes up, exasperated.

“Don’t insult me, Maia.”

The _Queen of the Damned_ DVD menu starts up and everyone groans while Simon hits ‘play’.

“Why am I so invested in you?” Raphael says.

“You’re about to find out,” Simon replies.

It’s odd, Raphael thinks, because he’s being shown romance films and he’s pretty sure that has nothing to do with what’s going on between them.

* * *

After they’ve finished _The Lost Boys_ and _Interview with the Vampire_ , Raphael gets what’s happening; or, at least what Simon _thinks_ is happening.

“Those movies are psychological, thought provoking experiences,” Raphael says as they’re walking back to Hotel Dumort an hour before sunrise, “But they’re still not realistic and have nothing to do with us.”

“Okay, yes they do. Older, more wise vampire obsessed with a fledgling,” Simon says. He pauses, stopping in his tracks, “Wait, so you liked them? You agree they’re _art_?”

Raphael glares at Simon and gives one small nod in confirmation. Simon smiles and grows silent, thoughtful, and they continue walking back to the hotel.

“Akasha, David, Lestat,” Simon says when the enter Hotel Dumort, “They were all just really bad at showing love. I mean, I guess Akasha got the closest to it because she actually got with Lestat but she was still a possessive, controlling monster.”

Raphael flinches. Simon never seems to notice what that word does to Raphael, and he always finds ways to include it in everyday conversation. Raphael used to be one, but Simon knows nothing about that. He used to think he wasn't anymore but Simon makes him doubt his own integrity. Is he an honorable man now or has he always been a _monster_?

* * *

“She wants what?” Simon shrieks.

“Just to meet you, Si,” Clary replies. She grabs his hand and squeezes it reassuringly.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Jace says, “The Seelie Queen always has something up her sleeve.”

“We should take Raphael. He’s a better fighter than me, better vampire. Uh, protector of his clan, and whatnot.”

“Are you sure that’s why you want to take him?” Jace asks.

“You said it yourself: she always has something up her sleeve,” Clary says. She smiles at Simon and he returns it, happy she isn’t questioning his nervousness and reliance on Raphael. He knew there was a reason she’s his best friend.

“She’ll be pissed. The Queen doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

“Well she wants to meet Simon, right? She’ll do it on our terms.”

* * *

Raphael can’t believe Simon convinced him to visit the Seelie Court with shadowhunters. At the moment, though, he’s glad he came because Simon actually _needs_ the protection.

“In the end, shadowhunters always choose their own kind,” The Queen says, ethereal and unblinking, “Join me, Simon. I will take care of you. I _choose_ you.”

“Are you...are you asking me out?” Simon asks.

“So colloquial,” The Queen says, a deceitfully kind smile gracing her otherworldly features, “But I suppose the answer to your question is: yes, I am.”

Raphael should’ve known something unusual was going on when she appeared to them as an adult. Before he knows it, his teeth are bared, fangs extended. A hiss escapes his lips and he’d be embarrassed by his stereotypical vampire behavior, the pure bestial nature of it, if he wasn’t so infuriated by what the Seelie Queen’s asking for.

“I would think very carefully about your answer, Simon,” The Queen says but she’s gazing at Raphael, calm expression immovable.

“I don’t want...to stay here. I don’t want to be with you,” Simon replies. Her gaze turns to Simon, sharp and hateful, and Raphael swallows around the lump of venom settling in his throat.

“He is in my clan and he belongs to _me_ ,” Raphael says. He stalks over to Simon, tugs him close by the collar of his _stupid_ denim flannel, and gives him a searing hot open mouthed kiss that ends with his fangs grazing against Simon’s bottom lip just enough to draw pinpricks of blood. Simon barely hears Clary’s gasp over the blood pounding in his ears. Raphael pulls back enough to speak, but he doesn’t bother turning to face the Queen again, “I would not let him even if he wanted to.”

* * *

After Raphael’s little display, Simon’s not entirely sure why the Seelie Queen let them go. Maybe it was something in Raphael’s tone that made it clear that it wasn’t happening, that Simon wasn’t for sale. Whatever it was, they got away scot free and Simon’s ultimately grateful that Raphael tagged along.

“We should talk about what happened at the Court,” Simon says while Raphael is drinking from a blood bag.

“After dinner,” Raphael replies, sliding a bag Simon’s way. Raphael’s warmed it for him somehow. He nods in thanks and takes a seat at the casket shaped dining table.

Raphael watches as Simon digs his fangs into the plastic like it’s flesh, tearing and spilling blood all over his own lips and chin. Simon finishes quickly, slurping down the liquid.

“Pace yourself, fledgling,” Raphael says with a tone and expression of controlled indifference. He pushes a monogrammed handkerchief toward Simon, “Now, if you’ll excuse me. The sun is coming up and I’d like to rest.”

Raphael slips from the table and walks toward his room.

* * *

“We need to talk about what happened at the Seelie Court,” Simon says. They’re at a party Magnus is throwing because, according to Izzy, ‘Jace died but didn’t stay dead and Valentine is dead and Malec got back together, so we have lots to celebrate’.

The drink flute on the way to Raphael’s lips stops for a moment, face frozen with his lips slightly parted. He regains his composure and knocks back the rest of his champagne.

“I’d rather not,” Raphael starts, placing his empty champagne glass on a table, “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

Simon’s reflexes are faster this time. He catches Raphael by the arm, stopping him and preventing him from moving. Simon lied when he said Raphael was a better fighter. More cunning, yes, faster, maybe, but not stronger.

“Are you truly going to cause a scene at Magnus’ wonderful party, in his lovely home, which he kindly invited you to?” Raphael asks, voice driven deeper by disapproval.

“See, exactly. That’s what I mean. Right there!” Simon’s voice raises in excitement and he lets go of Raphael’s arm. It’s a mistake, he realizes belatedly, but Raphael is too intrigued to run from him anyway.

“What?” Raphael asks dumbly, confusion stringing his eyebrows together.

“The way you asked me that question, like my answer better be ‘no’. Like you already know how the conversation is going to end, how everything is going to end, because you’re in control.”

“ _Dios._ I am a bossy head vampire obsessed with his fledgling.”

“A walking, talking character trope for sure,” Maia says as she walks by, handing Raphael another champagne flute.

“Well, a little less cruel, but yeah,” Simon replies, glaring at Maia’s retreating form for a second before looking at Raphael. He gives him a comforting smile, “The kiss?”

“I never would have done that if your life wasn’t in danger.”

“I hope that’s not true.”

“It was inappropriate at best,” Raphael says, sipping his drink, “I do not want to be having this conversation.”

“So do you like me _like me_ or not because honestly, you’re a super confusing and very hard dude to read.”

“Would it matter if I did?” Raphael asks, grabbing Simon’s sleeve and tugging him out onto the balcony.

“Yes, you know, because if you could deal with your feelings like a big boy, I wouldn’t object to being your boyfriend,” Simon says, “You don’t even have to drop the jerk act. I kind of dig it.”

“I know,” Raphael sighs, “I gathered that by your taste in vampire films.”

“I chose you. For the Seelie Court. I knew that nobody else would keep me safer than you, not Jace or Clary. And look at that, I was right. Although, to be fair, was not expecting you to overpower the Seelie Queen the way you did.”

“You should spend more time with Clary and the others. You’re becoming too comfortable with my behavior.”

“When you hissed at the Queen, I knew I could count on you to protect me from her.”

“Not one of my finer moments,” Raphael admits, looking away from Simon.

“Why not? Def. what saved me from the super evil Seelie Queen’s creepy clutches. I’ll take your brand of love over hers any day.”

“She won’t stay away forever. She’ll send Meliorn to deal with me,” Raphael says. He looks up at the black sky, stars blotted out by the bright lights of the city. He sighs, “Being with me won’t be like those films you love.”

“Good, because that’d be terrible. Those movies always end with the fledgling murdering the superior vampire.”

“No. Not as...I mean,” Raphael says. He shakes his head, frustrated, and turns to look at Simon. He rests a hand placatingly on Simon's wrist, “I’m asexual.”

“Oh, you mean you’re not going to go down on me in a bathtub while a song by your own band plays?” Simon jokes but it falls flat for Raphael, if his pained expression is anything to go by, “I’m just...I’m just kidding. It’s not that big of a deal, really.”

“There will be no actual blood  _lust_ ,” Raphael says. He finishes off his second glass of champagne and leaves it to balance precariously on the railing.

“Those vampires you’re comparing yourself to, the ones you’re worried you’re not as sexy as? They were _monsters_ ,” Simon says. Raphael flinches and for the first time, Simon notices. He grabs Raphael’s hand in his own and squeezes, “And you’re _not_ one. I’d take you and all you are over a sexy, messy disaster any day. If I wanted that, I would’ve asked Jace out.”

Raphael laughs, face brightening up.

“Holy shit, wow. I made you laugh. I didn’t even know you could do that,” Simon teases. Raphael’s face returns to its normal frown, “Ah, there’s the stoic vampire I know and love. He’s back!”

“Shut up, fledgling.”

“Yeah, okay,” Simon says, stepping into Raphael’s space and cupping his face, “Oh and that kiss in the Court? Definitely sexy. Akasha in the bathtub ain’t got nothin’ on you.”

Simon rests his lips against Raphael’s. A kiss, a light press of the lips. It’s not as good as the one Raphael initiated in the Seelie Court but it’s good enough, spreading warmth through both of their chests. A place where only cold had been just before.


End file.
